You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
