life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
