its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
4 words: hood of his car
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
