I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
