Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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