Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
