Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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