So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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