I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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