What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
