one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
