allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
