what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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