if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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