u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
