The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize