i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
