saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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