Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
