she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
