Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
