I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
