roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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