i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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