i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
