So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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