3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
