LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
