I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
