After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
