I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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