Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize