she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
