the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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