This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
