im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
