yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize