You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
