We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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