My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think i have two assholes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
