It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
