Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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