I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
