someone owes me an orgasm
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
