she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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