Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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