Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
