I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
