Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
