bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
