Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
