I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
