Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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