We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize