Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
