Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
