i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
