I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
