All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
