It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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