Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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