Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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