I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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