I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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