I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
