you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
