my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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