Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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