my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
